You better give me that pee pee!

Getting a job in the real world is my version of the violent toilet monster spitting blue water through its teeth from  Look Who's Talking Too.


Just like little Mikey fights his father (John Travolta, when he was still good looking) and mother's (Kirstie Alley, when she was still good looking) urge for him to grow up and learn how to use the potty, I am fighting the world's need to push me out of its comforting womb of student life.


The fear of having to be be a mature responsible individual is making me hesitant to sit on the hungry toilet of life. 
(yes, the metaphor is graphic, but it helps show the severity of this very real fear!) 


Being terrified of being an adult can manifest itself in many different ways. For me, it is not a talking toilet, but my strong aversion to wearing high heels.
I know my legs look stubby, and that a professional outfit just isn't finished without a stylish stiletto. 
I love shoes, I think they are beautiful but the sound a heel makes when it hits the ground has  always represented an adult walking into the room for me. (and usually if you were misbehaving at school, it is the most terrifying noise you can imagine)


If Mikey eventually worked up the courage to "pee pee in the potty" and avoided the teeth marks of one angry toilet, it seems logical that I too can walk into the adult world with pumps on my feet and not fall on my face. 


But not just yet...I think I'll bask in the comfort of being a student in my flat shoes a little bit longer. (or until my stilettophobia subsides)

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

Sure, living in Canada seems awesome. We have free healthcare, our politics are boring, and everyone is nice (supposedly).
But every year we Canadians get seduced by warm weather and Slurpees in the Summer months and forget about the evil demon season that plagues our lives for the majority of the year.
I'm not trying to scare you...actually, I am!
WINTER IS COMING!

Scared yet?

Lucky for us we will be blinded by the glitter and joy of Christmas for the next two months, but come January get ready to start contemplating never leaving your bed again.
I shudder every time I see those scrapers that take frost off of car wind shields.
Winter is fun until New Years, after that point you're enthusiasm for wearing cute boots has warn off and you are sick of hot chocolate.
Bears have it all figured out, our society should just shut down from January 1st, until April. Hibernation is the smartest thing animals have ever done! (other than not inventing money, or government)
So go out and buy your parkas from Winners and pre-order your prescription of Zoloft because you can't escape it! Winter will find you!

Look Mom! No Life!

As the year goes on, I am finding that 23 is a very awkward and confusing age.
 I have childhood friends who are getting married or have children. I also have friends who are nowhere near the maturity level to even attempt that degree of adulthood.
I'm still waiting to evolve from a caterpillar to a butterfly (or at least from a Pikachu to a Raichu).
I'm still in school, I obviously still play with toys (and doh) meant develop the imagination of a child, and I eat candy.
When are you too old to eat candy anymore? (I don't mean those disgusting hard candies elderly Italian men carry in their pocket, I mean that deliciously stale 5 cent candy from 7/11)

(I didn't think a Nerd Rope was universally recognizable, so I went old-school with my examples)

Maybe it's my addiction to rainbow coloured sugar and creative malleable toys that are holding me back from leaving my cocoon and entering the real world.

It is an interesting time to be a young adult (...or am i already past that stage? What do you call a maturity stunted twenty-something?)

There isn't obvious cues that signal our entrance into adulthood; young men aren't being drafted into war, and young women are not expected to become house makers before they reach their twenties.

The necessity of a quality education to the youth of Canada does not aid in ejecting us from our nests either.

Our adulthood has been pushed back by several years of post-secondary education, student loan debt, and the inability to cook anything other than Kraft Dinner.

Lucky for me, my parents expect very little of me. They understand that they have worked since they were teenagers to build a life of leisure for me to bask in. 
*Lesson of the day: You can never disappoint someone if you set the bar below the water table!

You Me and the Weather

Dear Mother Nature,
Get cold and stay cold! 
I don't plan to shave my legs again until the thaw!

 (my skin coloured doh was left open, this is the best hairy leg i could do)

Looking forward to 8 months of driving to school in the dark, eating soup, wearing thick socks, and wishing I lived anywhere but here!

C'est L'Halloween

I never feel more joy than when I'm thigh deep in pumpkin guts.
I plan to celebrate this very spooky occasion this year by carving 5 (count 'em, 5!) pumpkins.

(See how excited he is to be carved)

If there is one thing in life that I am confident in my abilities in, it is carving designs into hollow squash. (other than my play-doh wielding skills of course)
This year myself (an owl) my sister (a pirate) and my stinky puppy (a dragon) will be handing out piles of teeth rotting deliciousness all night on my porch.
You may be surprised to find out that Halloween isn't all about dressing (or undressing) as some sultry version of a usually cute/vicious/disease-infested woodland creature.
Yes, I am being a woodland creature as well, but I promise my costume is very unflattering and would fit the dress code of a convent.
After the weekend of partying, taking off your wig two drinks in due to your uncontrollable perspiration, and giving that guy dressed as The Joker your number (or was it that guy dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow?)...
Take Monday night to appreciate the more PG side of Halloween; give out candy, eat what's left at the end of the night and watch Hocus Pocus. (yes that is Sarah Jessica Parker. No she did not need a prosthetic nose to look like an evil 300 year old witch)

Get Mama's Pryin' Board

I'm going to say something that you may not know....

Hamiltonians like to EAT!

Did I just blow your mind? 

You probably couldn't tell we like to eat by all the scooters on the sidewalks, the infinite amounts of Tim Hortons locations, or that some of our most well known landmarks are ice cream and fish n' chip shops.

This city has a little bit of everything when it comes to cuisine.

First you'll have to wade through the endless seas of frozen (never fresh) jalapeno popper serving bars. 

And the sixteen Kelsey's that will suck you in on a Friday night like a fly to a spinach and artichoke dip web. 

When it comes to dining out I think Hamiltonians should ask themselves one question....WWGFD? (What Would Guy Fieri Do?)

Witnessing that man hunch over a burger with grease dripping down his arms is nothing short of beautiful. 

Watching Diners Drive Ins and Dives while I wait for my boyfriend to get home from work on a Friday evening gets me in the perfect mood for some southern BBQ.
Today I am going to encourage you to venture outside our stinky little city and experience a place Hamiltonians drive through once a year for the Peach Festival, Winona. (Or is it still Stoney Creek? It could be Grimsby.)

Just go on that road that Queenston Road turns into just past Stoney Creek's original Starbucks. Once you've gone down the road far enough and you're sure there is no civilization left, this gorgeous humble little shack appears.

Memphis Fire BBQ serves up the best brisket, coleslaw, mac and cheese, and ribs for kilometers.

 (yes those are ribs, use your imagination)

Their ribs taste like you are eating a fire cracker with sauce on it. I'm pretty sure they are the reason "dancing guy" dances downtown. 

If you eat there often you may end up looking like Homer Simpson when he became so fat that he had to wear a 'moomoo'.

 Once in a while though, it's nice to let that little fat boy that lives inside all of us out for a day.

A Hammer is NOT Just a Tool

Living in The Hammer is experienced differently by every single one of its residents.

Some people have lived here since they immigrated to Canada in the fifties. Some are only here for eight months a year to study at one of Hamilton's post secondary institutions. Some live here and commute to bigger cities everyday to work. And some don't have jobs at all. 

You would think in a city this diverse that there would be plenty of activities and interesting things to do. 

If your in the age group within ten years of reaching the ever coveted drinking age, you probably can only think of one thing to do on your nights off: I'll give you a hint - it starts with "H" and ends in "ess"

So if wearing bubble skirts and losing your mind (as well as your lunch) isn't your cup of tea, what can this city offer you? 

Try something new this weekend...

Usually if your not out drinking, your out eating. But what to do when your belly is full of the newest gourmet burger joint's bacon covered bliss? And that trendy cupcake shop's cream cheese frosted morsels are threatening to repeat on you? 
Believe it or not, one of the most happening spots  in Hamilton on a Saturday evening is your local dog park. My personal favourite is the fenced in park just off of Locke St. in the Steel City's historic downtown. Sure it smells like poop, and you will probably end up with a little on your UGG Boots, but you should still give it a shot (i promise it will be more enjoyable then the kind of shots that contain tequila).

 (This is my little Penelope. Fastest puppy at the park! She's cute and all, but she farts more than she breathes)

It is a beautiful place to walk around, and there is a Starbucks nearby that seems to always be open. 

Bring your puppy, your poop bags, and your pooch's favourite toy to fetch. Most importantly, leave the leash at home! 
It's a blast to see your dog light up and go all crazy eyed when they get to play freely with other dogs, which leaves you free to socialize with the other humans.

So you don't have a dog?

No big deal! It's not like a children's park where you can get arrested for watching and touching the children if you didn't bring a child as well.

Free-range puppies are meant to be enjoyed by all! 
So get your $7.00 triple shot non-fat caramel frappuccino, stand in a field littered with dog poop land mines and enjoy a quiet conversation with people and the animals they love!